And Just To Clear The Air
by ImaginaryGirlxx
Summary: Quinn and Shelby meet for a coffee. Set a few months after Shelby leaves in season 3. Contains some upsetting scenes, not too explicit.


Shelby knew that she had left McKinley for purely selfish reasons. Even though Quinn had changed her mind about telling people about her and Puck sleeping together and her attitude seemed to have improved, she was still terrified about losing Beth to her. She knew the pain that giving up a child for adoption caused, but she also knew that both her and Quinn had made the right choice by their daughters.

However, Shelby also knew that being around Beth was probably making this even harder for Quinn than it was for her. The daily torment of not being able to be a mother to her daughter, even when she was still in reach, was probably what sent Quinn over the edge. At least, that's what Shelby told herself.

This is why she was so surprised at herself for accepting Quinn's invitation to meet for a coffee that afternoon. She'd agreed to take Beth, hoping to put the young girl's mind at rest and reassure her that her daughter was being well looked after.

As she pulled up outside the mall, Shelby began to feel slightly nervous. Was she doing the right thing? What if seeing Beth made Quinn feel worse? What if this was just another one of her tricks to try and get her daughter back? She tried to push these thoughts out of her mind as she got the stroller out of her car and settled her giggling daughter into the chair. Sending a silent 'thank you' to whatever God was up there looking out her and making her daughter happy, she made her way through the mall to Starbucks where she saw Quinn already sat down.

The young girl appeared to be staring into her drink, as if expecting something to happen. She was so lost in thought that she didn't notice the woman coming in with her daughter until she had ordered her drink and was pulling out the chair across the table from her.

"I didn't think you'd come." Quinn whispered, looking up from her coffee.

"Of course I would. Do you want to see Beth?" Shelby asked.

"I'm surprised you'd want to let me anywhere near her after how I treated you."

"You were going through a hard time, Quinn. Giving up a child is not easy. I know that just as well as you do."

"Rachel?" She confirmed and Shelby nodded.

"At the time I thought that giving her up was going to be the hardest thing I'd ever have to do, but the fact that I couldn't see her every day, couldn't watch her grow up, it almost killed me." She said, passing the infant to Quinn to hold her for a while. Despite feeling apprehensive, the genuine smile on the teenager's face made it easier for her to let go. She felt that she could trust Quinn for now. God knows she'd had her rough moments and could relate to how the young mother was feeling. "I don't want you to go through that. I want to give you a second chance to show me that you've changed."

Quinn thought about this for a moment. She'd spent some time with Beth a few months back and was already shocked at how much she'd grown up. The thought of not seeing her until she was sixteen made her die a little bit inside. She realised how much strength it would have taken Shelby to stay away, and why she had tried to force her way back into Rachel's life two years ago.

"How did you manage to keep your distance for so long?" She asked.

"From Rachel?" Shelby asked. Quinn gave a noise of confirmation. "I don't know. It wasn't easy and there were some moments where I would have given anything to be able to see her again, but I couldn't. I couldn't break the contract and there was no way I would have hurt Hiram and Leroy like that."

"So what did you do?"

"Nothing. There was nothing I could do." She replied.

"But you broke the contract." Quinn pointed out. Shelby nodded guiltily. She had hoped that this topic wouldn't come up. "Why?"

"After I found out that I couldn't have kids, I started thinking more and more about Rachel. All I had to remind me of her was the hospital blanket that she was wrapped in the day she was born and a photo of her in Leroy's arms. It became too much for me to handle. I started working longer hours with Vocal Adrenaline rehearsals to distract myself but that didn't work for long."

Shelby stopped. She almost couldn't bring herself to talk about what happened next. She wanted to change the subject so asked if Quinn wanted another drink. She asked for another coffee so Shelby went up to the counter and ordered them both another drink and a muffin each. While the drinks were being made, she looked over to their table where Quinn was making Beth's teddy bear dance in front of her. The child was laughing and reached out a tiny hand to grab the toy. When she couldn't reach, Quinn moved it closer so that she could take it from her hands. Beth smiled excitedly at her achievement and started playing happily with the bear.

By the time Shelby was back at the table, Quinn had strapped the young child back into her stroller, where she was sucking on the bear's ear.

"You said that distracting yourself with rehearsals didn't work." The young girl stated when Shelby returned with their drinks and cakes. "What happened?"

"Something I'm not proud of." Shelby said with tears in her eyes. Neither woman said anything for a few moments and Quinn was about to change the subject, sensing that she didn't want to talk about it, when Shelby reached for her watch and undid the strap. She removed it from her wrist to reveal a scar. Quinn gasped at the sight and apologised for prying but Shelby brushed it off. She didn't want to worry the girl, even though the shame she felt every time she removed the watch was eating away at her inside. "I regretted it instantly. I don't know what came over me that day but I knew that I couldn't let it happen again. That's what made me decide to find Rachel, I knew I couldn't go on without knowing who she is."

"I'm so sorry." Quinn repeated. "I had no idea. If I'd have known I would never have been such a bitch to you."

"It's okay. It was a bad part of my life but once I got out of hospital and started seeing a therapist I decided I wanted to make Rachel proud of me. I got back on track and I've never considered it since. It was stupid of me."

"But you got help. That's what counts, right?"

"Yes. I would like you to promise me something, Quinn." Shelby said, seriously. "Never let yourself get as low as I did. I know that giving up a child can be hard but if you start to feel like it's taking over you please do something about it."

"I promise." Quinn whispered. She had no idea that the woman in front of her had gone through so much. She truly felt awful for trying to ruin her career and was going to try and make it up to her in any way that she could. In a way she admired Shelby even more now that she was honest with her. It was clear that she'd gone through a lot of difficult times and it obviously took a lot of courage for her to admit what she had done to Quinn, especially if she was still scared that she would take Beth away from her.

Shelby grabbed her phone and went through her contacts to find the number of her therapist. She grabbed a pen from her purse and wrote down the phone number, as well as her own, on a napkin and gave it to Quinn, who thanked her.

"Can I ask you something?" Quinn asked. Shelby nodded. "Please don't take this the wrong way but why did you walk away from Rachel after you met her? If it was that bad without her surely you wanted to stay?"

"I did want to stay, more than anything. But I couldn't do that to her. She had such a perfect life, I really didn't want to complicate things. Just knowing that she was there and that I could talk to her was enough for me."

"It wasn't enough for her." Quinn said, before she could stop herself.

"I know. I guess I even knew that then. I hope she can find it in herself to forgive me, even though I've been a terrible mother."

"You've been a great mum to Beth. Much better than Puck and I could have done."

Shelby smiled. She could see now that Quinn really had changed.

"Thank you." She said graciously. "Do you want to come over next weekend and see her?"

"I'd love you." Quinn replied. "Are you sure you're alright with that?"

"I think you've grown up a lot. You're not a kid any more, Quinn. I want to try and help you through this. I know that adoption was the right choice for you, I just hope you feel the same about choosing me to raise Beth."

"I do."

"Even after everything I've said today?" Shelby asked.

"More so now. I think you're strong enough to handle anything now after what you did for the Berrys. You deserve Beth more than I do."

Shelby could sense that there was something that Quinn was holding back on.

"What's wrong, honey?" She asked.

"Does it get better?" Quinn said, holding back tears.

"I think for you it will. Seeing Beth will help. She can get to know you as her birth mother without you having the responsibility of a child so young in life. Obviously, I can't promise that it won't hurt at times but I can promise to be there for you when it does and help you through it."

"Thank you." Quinn smiled, drying her eyes with her sleeve.

Beth started crying in her stroller and Shelby picked her up, trying to figure out what was upsetting her daughter. Her nose instantly told her the problem so she picked up Beth's bag and was about to excuse herself to the bathroom when Quinn interrupted.

"Could I do it?" She asked, tentatively.

"You want to change her?" Shelby replied. Quinn nodded. "Be my guest but I'll warn you now, she stinks." She laughed, handing the baby to the younger girl.

Shelby watched the two girls disappear and smiled to herself. Despite all her worrying, today had gone quite well. She was glad that she agreed to come and hoped that she could start to build a relationship with Quinn and Puck and allow them to be a part of Beth's life again. She hoped that one day, maybe not right now, Rachel would also be able to forgive her for leaving her but for now she knew that she was lucky to have Beth and was very grateful for being given a second chance at motherhood.

**A/N: If you've been affected by anything I've said in this story, I'm sorry. I want to raise awareness and give hope that life can get better. Feel free to PM me if you want to talk and I'll listen xxxx  
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